Thursday, August 21, 2008

My strength........

I have been so miserable since Sunday.. the day they cancelled my IVF cycle but today I hit a wall.. I am so stressed and I am so tired but I just don't seem to feel anything anymore. I am not going to be that person anymore. I want to be the person the kind of mom my children desire. I need to be strong and honestly and truly my strength comes from my experiences in my life and from my girls as well as from all you wonderful ladies that have come into my life for one reason or another. My sadness has been very selfish it is not the worst thing in the world and it is sadly not going to be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I need to let it go and move on. I know that. I really do, I just wish someone could tell my heart that. Maybe its the hormones or maybe its the emotions but I am finding it so hard this time to let go.. I am dissapointed in myself and my trust for Dr. G is faltering but I will stay strong and I will continue down this path. I am so happy to finally report that the "friend" I asked you all to think about and keep in your prayers was my sister. She is almost 10 weeks now and things are lookin and feeling good for her so please keep up the good work! This is her time and even though I am green I am thrilled for her and I am excited at the thought of being an auntie again. She has the world's most incredible little girl. She is honest and truly the light of my life. Even on my darkest days I just have to look at a picture of her and my heart melts and I smile. I need that more days than I would like to admit... especially recently. BUT I DIGRESS... I will pick myself up and dust myself off and move on. Now onto "pain" yes the heartburn is still here but much better.. I wake up at night with it now and a couple times during the day I am getting it.. but it really is much better. THe cm is still "flowin" but its a little better too.. my boobs are aching and frankly a little swollen that is my only "complaint". An odd one... but interesting one. I am sure these are all from the meds but since the abdominal pain is finally gone maybe I will be able to enjoy my weekend.


Kat said...

Oh hon, you are so strong :-) I'm proud of you. Truly you are an amazing person and I just know that one day very soon you will have all that you dream of, cause you deserve it!

Congrats to your sis too!

Anonymous said...

One day at a time, sweetie, one day at a time. I hope all of those nasty symptoms disappear soon.

Congrats on being an auntie again. You seem to be handling that news remarkably well. Better than I would be for sure!

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie
Always on our minds, Forever in our hearts (June 28, 2006)