January 12th, 2006 Happy New Year! Here's to a GREAT YEAR!

Well First of all HAPPY NEW YEAR! I knwo this year will be a great one. I have decided that this is the year I become all I can be! OK so I turn 30 this year too and I am feeling old but thats not really the point is it? This is going to be the year I finally get pregnant, I finally learn what all the excitement is about. I just cannot express to you how happy that makes me feel. I look forward to sharing in and experiencing the miracle of childbirth. Today is CD 1 a new month a new beginning. I go for my ultrasound tomorrow and I pray to God everything looks good and I will begin the next round of Gonal-f. Its a strange feeling to be excited af is here and more importantly to look forward to injecting myself and being poked and prodded and pricked etc. I have now come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to happen naturally for us and that is OK. I will have a little assistance from the medicine and then I will be on my own. What an eyeopening experience this has been... it has been full of ups and downs (mostly downs granted) It has been full of joys ans sorrows but at the end of the day and much more importantly it has been filled with experiences.... I have grown to know and understand and yes... even LOVE my body and all its imperfections. I believe that a woman should know her body. She should know what goes on day to day inside her its a wonderful magical thing. I have made a great friend along the way... and I know this is it for her too! You know who you are! I pray at home I pray in the car I pray at work and I even pray at Church that this is our year and together we will go through another journey together! I have learned so many hard lessons in life and this was another example of it for Roy and I. I learned to truly appreciate life and all the things that come in your life... all the people who who are truly blessed and are given the gift of life and don't even realize its a gift. The millions (yes millions) of women in our world that cannot concieve the truly embearassing and the shameful looks and comments that get thrown our way. The ignorance of society as a whole that this is a medical problem and that you are not a woman unless you have a child. Yes there are options available and even adoption but for some women thats not what they want they want to feel it grow and kick and experience the joyful pain of childbirth and experience the miracle. That is not selfish it is something that we feel deep in our soul. The tough decisions you have to make along the way that teach us that things aren't always as we want them. God has a plan I do beleive that.... and everytime I have another dissapointment or setback I rememeber that. I beleive his plan was that I go through these motions and that I learn what I have learned as they will make me a better person in the end and ultimately a much better mom!