Things I would never say out loud.
I am terrified that this isn't going to work! I am terrified there will be noting that fertilizes or nothing to implant... Basically due to the stress I have been under here at work.. I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am beyond terrified that we just forked out $11,000 for a chance... that won't work.... I am frightened that all that we have been through for all these years.. will be for nothing
I still wait for the call to cancel the cycle even though I did start the cetroride tonight.
Did you know that it works to supress within an hour of injection. I read the pamphlet... yup I am just that big of a loser! I laughed because although I am an old pro at this I still go through OMG moments and did I do it right moments. Tonight for example I injected the cetrotide in after mixing it and i noticed a little leaked out of the hole after I removed the syringe. Am I really supressed?? Did I screw it up? Did I mix it correctly. They increased the dosage for Gonal-f to 225 ... is this gonna screw me up again and I am going to have crazy E2 levels or will the cetrotide calm that down? Soo many questions and no answers! I am like a ball of nerves surrounded by what ifs! I went into the appt this morning and when I was on the table the girl couldn't see the follie on the one side and for lack of a better term dipped the probe down and I jumped right out of my skin... HOLY SHIT did that hurt. Poor girl she started freaking out apologizing profusely. I love her even tho she tried to make another hole in me... at least that is how it felt. Even after all that she still couldn't see it because my ovaries were playing hide and go seek behind my uterus.... she couldn't find that damn follie! The doc came in after to chat about the ultrasound and said things look great! I said I am really concerned about the fact that we are on day 8 and there are already 6 follies growing like that.... he said thats not a bad thing thats a very good thing and laughed. I still cannot admit that.. but I am finding really slowly that there is a creeping feeling that things may actually work out and we will have ER really soon. Kinda freaks me out... I also had acupuncture today that was nice.. gave me a good feeling for a couple hours anyways! Whatever it takes!!!!!!! Anyways Here are some pics of the cetrotide... try not to laugh to hard about the bluies.... LOL!