Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Hysteroscopic Embryo Implantation

IMPLANTATION!? I know what you are thinking... TRANSFER!!! Listen to this man describe it.. he is implanting it!!!??

Had to share! No wonder she got pregnant!!! Very intresting 70% higher!? WHere do I sign up!?????????

I had to share this video..... yes he is apparently the reproduction endocrinologist for Nadya Sulemann but very interesting... could this be the future of IVF???

http://www.obgyn.net/conference-coverage/conference-coverage.asp?page=ASRM2002/ASRM2002_kamrava&newsletter=090225

Monday, February 23, 2009

I am a walking talking disaster!

Yesterday I woke up and stumbled about and slammed not bumped... SLAMMED, RAMMED SMASHED my foot into the wooden bedframe..... I let out such a loud yell I am surprised the neighbours didn't call the police! It hurt like hell and the pain shot right up my leg and into my head (swear to God!) I started limping around shortly after that so I knew it was sore and badly hurt... got dressed and got in the car to go to my mother in law's house for her birthday.... and we were just about to drive off and my hubby says O the cell phone is on the counter can you go back in and grab it? Sure I said... I got to the door and thought holy shit I have to take my boots off... It took forever to get my boot on my foot and it was shear pain just getting it in there... now I have to take it off again. A HA! I will just take off the one boot that is fine and hop over with the other boot on (there is snow on the ground where we live so my boots are wet) So I hop over and grab my phone and I am just about to step down on to the garage floor when I lose my footing and slam my GOOD foot into the floor... the concrete floor... So I scream another scream... HOLY SHIT in just a few short hours I have now smashed 2 toes!!! I go to my mother in laws place and spend the day doing things but all the while my toes are just throbbing. When we finally get home I show my hubby my feet. The pinky toe on the right foot is just completely black and purple on top sides and underneath... I am sure its broken. The toe beside the big toe is also purple but only on the top half and the bottom half is black.. .perhaps also broken... Today my feet were still sore and I was feeling ok so I went outside and walked a bit... good news is that I can wear another pair of boots I own without excrutiating pain. (hooray) I come home and decide to do a load of laundry I am limping up the steps to the second floor and talking to myself... still feeling like a total moron about smashing 2 toes in one day and what do I do?? I ram my pinky toe (that was already broken perhaps) into the tide box on the floor... new tide box.. hard tide box... I scream so loud the cat runs away from me and hides. WOW WHAT A STUPID PERSON I HAVE BECOME! THEN not 3 hours later AGAIN I am doing laundry and I am bending down under the cupboards in the laundry room and get up fast and crack my head on the bottom of the cupboard... I scream so loud and start having a freaking fit at my stupidity! Good thing I have a hard head!!! HA HA! My GOD WHAT A FREAKING COUPLE OF DAYS!!!!! My feet are killing me my head is killing me and the medicine that soothes my pain is alcohol.. I would love to tell you I was drunk when all this occurred but sorry I WAS STONE COLD SOBER! S O B E R ! ! ! What a life!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Faker!



I have a confession to make. I am a fake. Almost 3 years ago I died and the person you now see before you emerged. She spends all day pretending things are fine and her life is perfect and she is happy. In actual reality I am faking it. I want a baby that didn't change when I lost my girls. That doesn't change because my last ditch effort failed and I cannot have children. These wants and needs and desires and pain just don't dissapear. I moved forward with my life, left my past in the past and I tried I mean really tried to move on. I don't want to forget what happened it is a part of me... some days I think its all of me. I still think of them all the time, I still miss them all the time and I still need them ALL THE TIME! I am supposed to make an appointment with my nephrologist to be put on some new drugs, drugs that may prolong my "quality of life" hopefully push back the possibility that I may be on dialysis in the future. I can't do it. I don't want to do it. Because going there means that its real that I cannot have a baby, I cannot be a mom and frankly I would rather die than ever accept that possibility. AF has been MIA for over 5 months now so its not like we can even accidentally get pregnant (no af no egg = no baby)
The life I now live is a life filled with my desperate attempts to be happy. I took on more work at the office to keep myself busy (you know idle hands....) It doesn't work... FYI.
I have a cat, he is about 14 years old and he is my little sweetheart. He is big, black and white fluffy and biggest suck you ever met.... Last night I came home to a very sick puddy tat... it scared me... he is very sick liquid poo fur missing.. I didn't want to think about losing him because he is my tether... he keeps me in mommy mode... he loves to be held and rocked and cuddled and caressed. He loves when I scoop him up in my arms and hold him like that baby I cannot have. If I lose him thats it. I promised my husband the next time he got sick that I would just let him die at home... and not take him to the vet. I do not want him to suffer but it is just soo expensive for tests and procedures. He is 14 he has lead a great life and he is very loved..... Today I sat there and I watched him today go from bad to worse... and then I decided to give him a great meal. He is on a special diet but I figured if its his last day on earth I would make it special.... the way I would have for my girls if I knew their time was going to be up. I opened an actual tin of Tuna and gave it to him. He was so happy to have real food. THen he just sat in my arms all day and cuddled with me. I cannot believe it but he is better.... at least he seems better. He is purring and cuddles into my arms happily all snug as a bug in a rug. Thank goodness today didn't end the way I thought it would. Thank God I know that when its his time I will have the strength to care for him the way he needs me to. Thank God he is OK... if only just for another day.

I found this story on another blog and I just loved it so much I had to post it and share. What a wonderful thought.

The Story of the Dragonfly

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was dead, gone forever.Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top.When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed.Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that their time would come, when they, too, would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

Author - Unknown

Monday, February 02, 2009

I stayed silent......................

I stayed silent as long as I could most of my friends won't even broach the subject with me... probably best considering that I have been through fertility treatments and IVF. This nonsense with this woman who had the EIGHT babies at one time... apparently through IVF... although I have no idea what Dr in his right mind would do that transfer EIGHT at once is beyond me. I will preface this with IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF IF she really doesn't have a husband/job/house or money and with SIX kids previously from IVF... there is no way that this was the right way to handle things. Any woman who has been through fertility treatments knows they debate putting back 2 or 3 certainly not EIGHT! That is IF you are lucky enough to make that many embryos or they are lucky enough to survive the thaw. Personally something is missing in this equation... How can she afford to pay for the treatments? Where did the sperm come from? Where is this I will put back 8 embryos inside you (expecially when you already have 6 form IVF--therefore proving it works for you) Why would you subject yourself to that knowing that there is a possibility of eight? You put back 2 you aways realize that there is a possibility of 2! Lets put aside the mother lets focus on the kids instead..... She has 6 kids under the age of 7. How do you care for these kids and go to school and pay for fertility treatments? Then on top of that you have 8 more kids to feed/clothe/school? These kids are not at fault. They are just babies that were brought into the world by selfishness... be it a doctor or the mother... Noone understands the internal want and need for children. YOU HAVE SIX! SIX! IVF already worked for you. Why spend money on treatments and or fertility drugs when you have SIX already. Hey if you want to have kids I get that. I really do.. I am in the category of people who want kids so badly but can't have any. So I hate hearing that people cannot have children and I don't begrudge people from having children but be responsible. Think of the children! People need to cool it and relax with the hatred. I think more investigation needs to be done before we go into the blame game. For now we get to be greatful and thankful 8 more healthy children were born... and pray they stay that way. Noone should have to suffer through the loss of a child.

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie
Always on our minds, Forever in our hearts (June 28, 2006)