I am a walking talking disaster!

Yesterday I woke up and stumbled about and slammed not bumped... SLAMMED, RAMMED SMASHED my foot into the wooden bedframe..... I let out such a loud yell I am surprised the neighbours didn't call the police! It hurt like hell and the pain shot right up my leg and into my head (swear to God!) I started limping around shortly after that so I knew it was sore and badly hurt... got dressed and got in the car to go to my mother in law's house for her birthday.... and we were just about to drive off and my hubby says O the cell phone is on the counter can you go back in and grab it? Sure I said... I got to the door and thought holy shit I have to take my boots off... It took forever to get my boot on my foot and it was shear pain just getting it in there... now I have to take it off again. A HA! I will just take off the one boot that is fine and hop over with the other boot on (there is snow on the ground where we live so my boots are wet) So I hop over and grab my phone and I am just about to step down on to the garage floor when I lose my footing and slam my GOOD foot into the floor... the concrete floor... So I scream another scream... HOLY SHIT in just a few short hours I have now smashed 2 toes!!! I go to my mother in laws place and spend the day doing things but all the while my toes are just throbbing. When we finally get home I show my hubby my feet. The pinky toe on the right foot is just completely black and purple on top sides and underneath... I am sure its broken. The toe beside the big toe is also purple but only on the top half and the bottom half is black.. .perhaps also broken... Today my feet were still sore and I was feeling ok so I went outside and walked a bit... good news is that I can wear another pair of boots I own without excrutiating pain. (hooray) I come home and decide to do a load of laundry I am limping up the steps to the second floor and talking to myself... still feeling like a total moron about smashing 2 toes in one day and what do I do?? I ram my pinky toe (that was already broken perhaps) into the tide box on the floor... new tide box.. hard tide box... I scream so loud the cat runs away from me and hides. WOW WHAT A STUPID PERSON I HAVE BECOME! THEN not 3 hours later AGAIN I am doing laundry and I am bending down under the cupboards in the laundry room and get up fast and crack my head on the bottom of the cupboard... I scream so loud and start having a freaking fit at my stupidity! Good thing I have a hard head!!! HA HA! My GOD WHAT A FREAKING COUPLE OF DAYS!!!!! My feet are killing me my head is killing me and the medicine that soothes my pain is alcohol.. I would love to tell you I was drunk when all this occurred but sorry I WAS STONE COLD SOBER! S O B E R ! ! ! What a life!