4 Months

3 Months after I lost my girls my period finally came. I was sad but excited as well because we had made the decision to begin TTC again. I went the clinic with my head down scared and nervous and anxious all at once. In a way I had missed the people and I had missed the nurses, not the anxiety that came along with it. I purchased the gonal-f pen all excited to start trying again and I actaully looked forward to the daily pokes because they would be a step in the right direction.... But of course I got home that night and just as I was getting ready for the injection BOOM there was a voicemail cancelling my cycle. My estrogen level was 407 and it should be 50-80 pgl. I cried I threw things I knew it this is going to be the way its going to be..... its going to be all this shit all over again. O well due to the high estrogen my CM was EW and I spotted during what I thought to be ovulation so we TTC anyways (drug free) I got very nervous when my period was late and took a test but of course it was negative! Finally my period came on Saturday and along with it horrible cramps and pains in my back. I sucked it up but it didn't matter because it meant that on cd 3 we could come back to the clinic and start all over again. So off I went to the clinic this morning they took my blood I spoke with my favorite nurse and the Dr said good luck and off we we go. I check my messages at 3pm and OF course what happened? They cancelled my cycle because my estrogen is too high again... in fact its just as high as it was before...... There are no cysts and no symptoms to explain what could possibnly be wrong... so they want me to come back on Wedndesday morning to have them recheck my estrogen levels and then the DR will make a decision then. IF the estorgen is below 200 then I may be able to start the gonal-f then. (triple the dosage but maybe) or else I have to go on BIRTH CONTROL pills to try to level off my estrogen levels because you cannot conceive with them that high! I cannot believe this friggin useless body is doing this to me again. What the hell?? Have I not suffered enough? Apparently not! :(