So much to say....

Where do I start?  Today is the 4 year anniversary of the birth of my daughters.  Hard to imagine it's been 4 years .. where has the time gone!?  Ironically so much has happened in the past 4 years.  Both good and bad.  I am lucky enough to have a niece and a nephew now and they are truly the light of my life.  Due to my extreme kidney problems I will be unable to have a child.  I am 34 years old and that was one of the most devastating doctor appointments I have ever had.  My kidneys are both functioning at 25% and as time goes by they are getting progressively worse and I will eventually need to go on dialysis and or get a kidney transplant.  There is no possibility of me carrying a pregnancy and not being on dialysis during the pregnancy and the doctors have insisted I not even try any more.  Sadly that will be the end of the journey down the winding path of infertility.  From now on it will only be the winding path of Auntiedom.  I love being an aunt it fills a part of my heart that was left empty.  It in no way shape or form replaces the hole my daughters left.  Nothing ever will.  When my niece hugs me or says something to me that makes me laugh it gives me a feeling of happiness I thought I would never know.  When my nephew crawls over to where I am sitting I am almost in tears because it's so amazing.  I imagine these kids will never know how much I love them or understand why but they keep me going.  So this means my blog will now be changing.  I won't put any pictures up of the kids because I am not their parents and it's not my place to show them.  I love photography so I will be changing this blog to more of a place to display my photographs and stories.  I will change the layout and template design of the blog but it is really still me.