Sunday, March 29, 2009

Earth Hour






















Just a quick post cause I had to show a few pics of how I spent Earth Hour. I think it is so funny that for an hour ONE HOUR a year... people can't shut off the lights. I know this is really gonna shock all of you... but EVEN I shut off the TV!! I sat for an hour and read a magazine. Caught up on my gossip... just a couple months late!!! I hope you all spent earth hour in the dark as well. What would Earth Hour be without me taking pictures!!!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Secrets........................

Some days my secrets are shown right across my face... other days I am able to hide it.

BUT I have a secret for you...

People ask me constantly how I moved on and how I was able to get up everyday

Here is the answer.

Life is unbelievable, it thows you curves and gives you a future you never saw and never wanted. You sit and cry most nights and your heartache grows with every new pregnancy announced and every baby you see. Today I was driving home from work listening to some great "screamy music" Linkin Park! I was sitting at a red light.... and there in front of me was amom in a minivan and you could literally see her losing her mind.. the kids were obviously fighting and she was doing her best to get them to behave... and all I could think of... is I will never have that moment. Never have to say "don't make me turn this car around" or "don't make me come back there" I think that people really take all these moments for granted while people like us sit there and die a little inside at the thought of missing out. So how do I move on how do I get up everyday. I have hope. Hope that there is more to this life... that people and doctors are wrong. Aside from that... I have just stopped caring! My husband and I used to have the biggest fights we would scream and throw things... ok I would throw things.. but still it was so passionate. The problem is that I just don't care anymore. You always think worst case scenario well for me... worst case scenario already happened. What could be worse.... what could be worse than having your dreams ripped out of you.. waking every day wondering if today is the day that your babies will die inside of you. Losing them and going through horrendous labour and holding your dead babies in your arms. I ask you what can be worse? A stupid fight about sex or money? Not bloody likely! I feel like I am just dead inside.... emotionally. I am really good at acting. I spend all day at work working my ass off and making jokes and putting on a great show. The truth is if I had my choice I would never get out of bed again. I would lock myself in my house because it is my safe zone. Noone can hurt me in here. I am not forced to be fake here, I don't have to deal with people and their babies and their happy little lives. I don't have to pretend here. Here I can be real. Here I am who I am and to hell with anyone and everyone else. How 3 years later it is possible to still feel so raw and torn apart is beyond my comprehension but I do. I miss what could have been.... I miss what should have been. I wonder if I can sustain this marriage... this life without being a mom. I fear that I can't.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

As I sit here and drink my glass of wine from a box that has been in my fridge since before Christmas... I am thinking to myself how funny life is. How things happen that you never expected and how short life can be, how full of surprises both good and bad, how 3 years later you can still shed tears for hours at just the thought of something sad that changed your life forever and how the other side fo the spectum things can make you smile and laugh like never before. For those who don't know me I am an addict. I have a real problem... but its not one you are thinking.. I am addicted to televeision. I PVR approximately 50hours a week! FIFTY HOURS! People call me TV guide. AND to make matters worse while I am watching TV at night or on weekends (cause when else can you possibly catch up on it?) I am on the computer catching up on blogs, gossip. tweeting or facebook. Why do I do this you ask? Well I think that its my version of an escape. Some of the shows are sad or mysterious... others make me laugh right out loud and yet others are medical and I feel like I am learning.... Do you ever think of your life and wish you could have a do-over? I wish I could do over my entire life!! There are very very few things that I wouldn't change. There are some people in my life that I would die without so I believe thy are in my life for a reason. They are both friends and family! (in case you were wondering) It is a truly amazing world that we are living in and to think that we are all only here for one lifetime and some of us are made to suffer through unheardof moments.. .moments that would rip your heart right out of your body and yet you still survive... you still find a way to continue on. Just seems so unfair doesn't it? I never ever imagined that my life would be what it is. I never thought for one second that I would not be a mother. I always believed it in my heart.... to tell you the truth I think a big part of me still believes I will be even though I have been told different. It is all I ever wanted.. since I was a little girl and played mommy.... It is just not a truth I can accept. I never will... I can imagine sitting in my rocking chair rocking back and forth with grey hair and my husband sitting right next to me..... and still believing I will be a mom. I think as women we take it for granted that it is just something that will happen. FOr many of us MANY MANY of us an increasing number of us... it won't happen without help. It may not happen at all.... For those of us in Ontario Canada they are having a march. A march on Mothers day where all people like "us" are going to push empty strollers to Queens Park to demand that they pay for infertility treatments... the very thought of it both excites and terrifies me. For those who are in the area.. please do it... I think that it is a great idea.
http://www.conceivabledreams.org/cd/mdm.html I encourage anything that makes the government realize this is becoming a real problem, an epidemic!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Guess Who!?


Can you guess who this is? Unbelievable that they are aging this character! My niece loves her and I am just not sure how much she will be able to do? You may not recognize her since she doesn't have a backpack or boots! OOPS did I give it away? What do you think? Alot of parents are in an uproar about it! I think its kinda funny but odd at the same time!
Thank you for the messages I received yesterday as always I am touched and I am amazed at the support I continue to get from you. You are all amazing women!! I love each and every one of you. Thank you! I have really been surrounded lately by compassion and love and mostly from people who don't really know me. You really start to see who you can count on and who can show you a love like none other.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

WARNING EMOTIONAL BLOG WARNING!!!!

OK so maybe its that time of year or hormones or just me but if I hear one more word about Ms. Octomom I may hurt someone! I don't care that she hasn't had sex in 8 years... funny 16 kids and no sex.. no the irony is not lost on me!! No I don't care that she went and spent $1000 on makeup and I especially don't care that she had an exciting weekend! People stop giving this woman the time of day! You are just giving her what she wants.... Ignore her and she will go away! SHE IS NOT A CELEBRITY!

OK so I am becoming what I hate the most a bitter battered broken uterus bitch! Sorry but I have the right to be miserable and sad and be jealous that some people are just so damn lucky and fertile meanwhile there are those of us out there who are unable to bear our own children or have cracked eggs. Yup that is me cracked eggs.... OK I warned you that I am miserable... I have days where all I want to do is CRY! I have days that I sit and wonder why the hell I am even alive.. because really what is the point!? But I still find a way to carry on and live another day. I am so broken hearted over children with cancer. It truly kills me to even think about it (yes Tuesday is still on my mind) There are so many little angels that my heart breaks in two literally in two. I spent yesterday watching Jon & Kate episodes.. there is this one episode where they gave back and showed all these kids with cancer... I finished watching the show and was still bawling my eyes out... I ran upstairs and all I wanted to do was hold my girls.. What a stupid thing. What a stupid thing to forget for just a moment you don't have children. I cried for over an hour.. these poor children and their families what hell they must be going through. Even Tuesday's mom she posted the other day how unfair it is that her kids make pancakes without their sister and you just think of how precious time is. How sad life must be for this woman... and her identical sister, will she even remember her sister?
Sisters - what a great segway! My sister who if she was any closer to me these days would be surgically attached to my side... (WHICH I LOVE!!!!!!!!- see above for reasons to live) has been through her own version of hell lately.. 6 miscarriages and she lost her latest just a little while ago... her af went MIA went for an U/S today and wouldn't you know it... she is expecting again! FUCKING FERTILE MYRTLE!! I love her! I am thrilled for her!! Unbelievable how things turn out. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers that this one WILL STICK AROUND FOR 9 MONTHS! We don't even know how far along she is technically... I believe its around 4 weeks... I know that people think I am completely insane... completely and totally but I love TV. I think I PVR around 50 hours a week... it is my escape from reality. I love it! There are some absolutely AMAZING television shows on the tube these days. It is so hilarious that 1/4 of the shows are comedies... the rest are mostly medical shows. Monday nights are my LAUGH FEST! I laugh out loud so frequently! I highly recommend it to everyone!
I think I have gone through the gammit of emotions through this post! Sorry for that...Hopefully that means my 7 month "dry spell" is ending soon! Emotions are a sign of PMS right?? At least for some women!??
Lastly I want to send a special thought and prayer out to K and Niki I am really thinking of you tonight.. I hope that this is all over with soon and you can move on to the next phase. virtual hugs to you!! Have a margarita for me! (or 10)

OOOO and yes we saw Watchmen! LOTS OF "Little Blue" lots of big blue! HA HA! I loved the movie with or without male frontal nudity... cause really nothing to write home about! LOL!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Scentsy Giveaway

Lynn from Scentsy Wickless Candles recently hosted a giveaway on STL Mommy for a Scentsy warmer and set of Scentsy bars. We are happy to announce that the lucky winner is Selina!
Lynn had so much fun hosting her first giveaway on STL Mommy that she wanted to host another giveaway for all of you!
If you haven't seen Scentsy Candles before they are wickless candles that are safe for you family. The do not release any lead, soot, or wax released into the air that you breath. The wax also is a low melt, similar to a paraffin bath, which doesn't get hot enough to burn anyone.
Scentsy offers many products: Scentsy Bars, Warmers, Plug-In Warmers, Scentsy Bricks, Room Sprays, Car Candles, and Discounted Multi-Packs. If you want to host a Scentsy Party or become a Scentsy Consultant contact Lynn for more information.
Lynn is offering 1 STL Mommy Reader a Scentsy Plug in Warmer and Scentsy bar of their choice!Want to Win? Here's How:*Go to Scentsy then come back and leave a comment telling me your favorite Scentsy Plug-In. You can easily leave a comment by clicking on comments on the bottom right corner of this post!*You can gain a second entry by Subscribing to STL Mommy.*You can gain a third entry by adding my button to your blog or Myspace account. You can also add me to your Facebook or Twitter account and it does count if you added me in the past.*You can gain a fourth by posting this giveaway on your blog, myspace, twitter, or facebook account. Please leave me the link.*You can gain a fifth entry by e-mailing this giveaway to 5 of your friends. Just remember to send me a copy of the e-mail!The giveaway will end April 5th at 5pm.
I will pick the winner through random generator. Please leave your e-mail in this format so I can contact you if you are the winner!stlmommy (at) gmail (dot) com* Please check out my other giveaways!
Don't Miss a Thing! Subscribe NOW!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

the "Ethical Treatment of Human Embryos Act," LOAD OF CRAP!

OK WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THIS IS WRONG!??

This is a clear case of people who are allowing their religious opinions to push through their own agenda! Each person is an individual case!!!! Please don't allow this to go though its a slippery slope people should not be governing this and how dare they even try!? I understand people's opinions of the "octomom" are what they are and they have raw nerves about this WHOLE situation but lets let cooler heads prevail! Below is the article from CNN.

PLEASE Send a message to the senators found below (bottom right side is the form)

Georgia Senate Bill 169

https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=219



Georgia 'Octomom bill' would limit embryo implants
Story Highlights
Georgia state senator says bill was inspired by "Octomom" Nadya Suleman
Bill would limit women under 40 to two embryos, women 40 or older to three
Critics call it a backdoor effort to outlaw abortions in the state
Bill faces long odds of passing because of timing in Georgia legislature


ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- The tabloid-friendly tale of the California "Octomom" continues to stir debate -- this time 2,000 miles away in the Georgia state capitol, where lawmakers say they're trying to prevent a repeat.

Proposed legislation regulating in-vitro practices came after Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets.

A Georgia state senator introduced legislation to limit the number of embryos that can be implanted in a woman's uterus during in-vitro fertilization procedures.
Sen. Ralph Hudgens, a Republican from near Athens, Georgia, said his legislation was inspired by Nadya Suleman, the woman who said she gave birth to octuplets after being fertilized with six embryos -- an unusually high number.
"She is not married," said Hudgens. "She is unemployed, she is on government assistance and now she is going to put those 14 children on the back of the taxpayers in the state of California."
Suleman, 33, had six children before the procedure.
Hudgens' plan, which was co-sponsored by several other senators, would limit the number of embryos a doctor could implant to two for women under 40 years old and three for women 40 or older.
Those numbers are slightly less than what's considered the norm in medical circles.
Don't Miss
Six embryos?! How to avoid a fertility fiasco
Extreme multiple births carry tremendous risks
Commentary: Are eight babies more than enough?
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine recommends no more than two embryos for women under 35 years old and no more than five for women over 40. The reason for allowing more embryos in women over 40 is that it is more difficult for them to get pregnant.
State lawmakers in Missouri are considering a similar bill. And England and Italy have had similar limits on the books for years.
At least some fertility doctors say the limits in Hudgens' bill would hurt chances for women to get pregnant. They say that while three embryos are usually enough, there are special cases when they need more.
"What this bill will effectively do is shut us down," said Dr. Daniel Shapiro, a fertility doctor in Atlanta. "Patients seeking reproductive care in Georgia will go to Tennessee or South Carolina or Alabama. They will just leave."
Breaking the law would carry a fine of up to $1,000 under the legislation.
Some critics of the plan also see another problem, calling it a backdoor effort to outlaw abortions in the state.
The bill, which Hudgens titled the "Ethical Treatment of Human Embryos Act," contains language that says "a living in vitro human embryo is a biological human being who is not the property of any person or entity."
The anti-abortion group Georgia Right to Life issued a news release in support of the bill on the day it was introduced.
"Georgia Right to Life supports Sen. Hudgens in this legislation and wants to see strong protections in place to stop the dangerous practice of implanting more embryos than is medically recommended," the group said, saying the plan would help avoid premature births and low birth weight in in-vitro fertilization cases.
Realistically, the bill faces long odds of passing -- at least in the near future. Tuesday was Day 25 of the Georgia legislature's 40-day session. Legislators will meet 10 more days, then take a break until June, when lawmakers will consider how money flowing to the state from the federal economic-stimulus plan may help their ongoing budget woes.
According the the Georgia legislature's Web site on Tuesday, Hudgens' bill had been read and assigned to a committee, but no other action had taken place.
Some Georgians from the lawmaker's part of the state say they hope he has to keep waiting for a long time.
"Unless the senator is a physician, ethicist or other informed professional, he should step aside and let the medical professionals determine what is best in individual cases," Dorothy West wrote in a letter to the editor of the Athens Banner-Herald, Hudgens' hometown paper. "There are other issues more important to the citizens of Georgia that should be addressed."

Monday, March 02, 2009

Weapons of Mass Seduction

I am a pig. I admit it. I cannot wait till Watchmen is out on Friday and I get to see Dr Manhatten (the blue guy) his naughty bits dangling in the breeze!!! WHAT AN AMAZING day Friday will be. A great movie and a show! HA HA! We have been really looking forward to the movie for it seems like YEARS! I hope I am not dissapointed but hey frontal nudity is a great way to make the time pass... LOL! Yes I know he is creepy and BLUE!!!! Its a stupid post but a funny post! A little laugh for Monday! ;)

http://6minutestomidnight.com/

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie
Always on our minds, Forever in our hearts (June 28, 2006)