Sunday, June 14, 2009

3 years................................

Hard to believe that 3 years ago I was looking forward to my 30th birthday pregnant and expecting twins. Harder to belive that 3 years later we are still "waiting" for that magical moment to repeat itself. I never imagined that I would be 33 and not have any children. All I have ever wanted out of my life was my own children. On the eve of my birthday it seems to me to be bittersweet... I try not to think too much about the fact that if things had worked out differently I would have almost 3 year old girls running around the house.. and life would be so much more different. I have decisions to make about what the future holds for us fertility wise but that is a story for another time. I follow many blogs and I am very happy for all of you that have been successful. I worry about posting my thoughts and emotions because I never want to take away from the happiness those who are successful feel... even if it does feel like a knife to the heart of those of us who aren't successful. The good news is that there aren't many of us left out of the group who haven't been successful so that is truly good news.

5 comments:

Sassy said...

I'm thinking of you and hoping you have a nice day tomorrow.

And you're right, it is good news that so many people have gone on to have happy & healthy babies in the last year, but it doesn't make it easier for those of us still left behind and you should never worry about offending others because of the hurt and difficulties your facing. The only persons happiness that you're responsible for is your own.

callmemama said...

Those who are getting their BFP's should remember what it's like to be still in the trenches...left behind. I know they'll understand...

Niki said...

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday today. I know it's a bittersweet day as you remember your little girls and reflect on your IF journey. I really wish that things weren't so difficult for us. I hope that you find some peace, comfort and happiness on this special day as you very much deserve it! ((HUGS))

Kat said...

Thinking about you during this awful difficult time. You know I'm here for you and you can say/write whatever you want whenever. Sending you tons of HUGS

Cathleen said...

Happy Birthday! It's hard to feel left behind...especially within your own (IF)community. One great thing about our blog spaces is that it is there to get all of our emotions and thougts out...no matter how nasty. Thinking of you. Hugs.

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie

Our angels Grace Elizabeth & Anna Marie
Always on our minds, Forever in our hearts (June 28, 2006)