Alternate realities, Coma, AF and a new pregnancy!

SOO much to say!!

I am not sure if any of you watch a show called Fringe... but the finale was awesome... The best part the part that got me was that there was an alternate version of this reality.. basically same world different results. I started thinking about it.. wouldn't it be amazing if that were true? We could just travel to the alternate reality and take things and bring them back here. I would bring back my girls and right the wrong from this world. In case you didn't see the finale I don't want to put up what happened... suffice to say I am loving the idea!! The other thought that I have had lately was that this life, this shitty waste of a life that I am living is really only a dream..... I am really in a coma and this hell yes that is what I am thinking this is.. HELL... is all just a figment of my imagination... like your mind putting all your fears and nightmares in one place. How I wish that were true.... I know its not but that would make so much more sense. I am trying to not be filled with anger and jealousy and hurt at all the crap I have to go through. I am fighting my own demons and I will win... but I would really like to know is this for real? All this pain and hurt and sadness is it really something that I just have to suffer through as a test to achieve my goal or is it just the way life is going to be for me? I must have been someone worse than Hitler in my past life to have to go through all this in this one.
On a positive note.... AF FINALLY CAME 10 months late but its here... I don't even want to tell you about the cramps and the heavy and I do mean HEAVYNESS of it! It snuck up on me and I have mixed emotions about it. Yes I am happy to know I am not going through menopause.. that is a great thing. But now I need to really TRY TRY TRY TRY and that is BD BD BD BD! You know once it leaves! Can you really say you spent the last 10 months "trying" when you didn't have a period? I am just not sure... seems like a huge waste of time doesn't it!? i AM NOT GIVING UP! I AM JUST NOT READY TO DO THAT YET! I wonder though will I ever be?
OK on another positive note... My sister has finally reached her second trimester which means this pregnancy is sticking. I am thrilled for her and ask for you to all send her your good thoughts and prayers. After 8 miscarriages it finally worked for her. This is great news and I thought it would be nice to end the blog on a positive note. ;)

Mothers Day

I apologize for being a bad blogger... sometimes its just that there is nothing worth while to say.
First of all whether you are a new mom and old mom a mom of a child here on earth or a child in heaven I wish you all a very happy mother's day. I know very well how heartbreaking mothers day is when you are here but your child(ren) are not. You want that moment so badly and you hate that others are lucky enough to have those moments with their children... then you hate yourself for feeling that way. I feel your pain I feel your frustration and for those of you that are newly pregnant or have little ones enjoy these moments and cherish them, for there are many of us out there who will never have those moments. Take care of yourselves.

I found this wonderful poem that really sums it up for those of us that don't have our children here on earth.

Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
~ by Jody Seilheimer ~