How far I have come

OK first of all I want you to know that my sister did lose the baby it was confirmed at the doctor today. The doctor is an idiot and sat there and basically lied to her face.. she called him on it and left. She will see a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist so that will be good for her.

OK so there I am sitting at my desk today and a man comes up and strikes up a conversation with me.. usual pleasantries... how are you etc.. then he asks how the babies are. I look at him and say what babies? He totally caught me off guard!! He says the twins... I am sitting there mouth agape thinking omg now how do I tell him this. So I say no we lost them at 5 months.. and I start to tell him the whole story.. poor man colour slowly drains out of his face... he is the one caught off guard now. So he looks at me and says omg I am so sorry that must have been very difficult for you. I said yes it did take me a long time to get the strength to come back here and sit here and answer questions. But I got better... I have moved past it and I miss them every single day. He says well I hope God is with you.. and walks away. It shook me.. I was so caught off guard and I needed a moment.. I went to the bathroom and got composure and then came back to my desk. I was so proud I didn't fall apart.. I have come so far now that I can talk about them and not cry and to tell you the truth it made me miss them just a little more for a while.. then I found the humour. The only man in the company who didn't know. Now he knows. And will probably never be the same again!

Update: The bleeding from yesterday appears to have turned into full blown AF so I have an appt tomorrow for b/w and u/s to see if we should start the stims on Saturday or not. FIngers crossed we can and it will work... I am off for 2 weeks during this time anyways so it just works out perfectly... too perfectly!? Wuick someone create some drama!